He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
