I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
