wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
