You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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