you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
