Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
