Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
