Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
