My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I will die if light touches me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize