its not stalking. its research.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
