SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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