Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
