Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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