Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
