when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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