if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
