Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize