We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
