Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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