You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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