I think I am morally bankrupt
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
