woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
