Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
