New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
