Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
