If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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