I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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