every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
