The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
