alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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