that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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