you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
