i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
