Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
