She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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