Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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