3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
