You can't special order awesome
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
