NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
