its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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