She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
