sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
