I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
