dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
