I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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