I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do vagina's smell?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
