rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
