wat bout pragnant strippers??
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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