I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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