she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
