You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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