i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Terrible idea I love it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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