Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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