Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
