she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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