I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize