I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
