She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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