i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
don't judge my taste in strippers
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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