Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
