The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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