While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
